i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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