After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
