I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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