Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
