the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
did i walk over a car last night?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Randomize
