how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
one might say we're banned from that church
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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