i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
