Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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