shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
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