I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
