I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
