Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You ruined the universe
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
