You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
