If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
