Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
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