I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
why do cheetos always look like penises
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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