A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
