Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
