Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
