Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
