I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
