spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
