I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
