ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
