I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
