White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
