WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
