Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
