You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
