Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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