I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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