I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
