Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
