they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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