Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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