Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?

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(203): View more from Connecticut

We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."

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(269): View more from Michigan

when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.

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(703): View more from Virginia

I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order

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(206): View more from Washington

I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...

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(901): View more from Tennessee

I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history

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(616): View more from Michigan

Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.

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