you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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