I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
