I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
