she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
