saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
