6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I could make wine with my vomit
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
