no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
