Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize