her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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