the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
