Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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