just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
