bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
