I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
