i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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