this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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