Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Two words: blizzard sex
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
