Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
It was confusing and full of hummus
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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